Trust

So I'm going to talk about something really personal...trust.  The truth?  I have huge issues with trust.  To me to fully and completely trust someone is rare.  I want to trust but the honest truth is that there isn't one person that I trust with my whole heart.  Now don't get me wrong-there are people I would trust with my life but in general, my faith in people has been shaken.  I've been hurt so much in the past year, heck my whole life, and right now, it's hard to let go completely of that hurt.  Part of it might be that I've been placed under more stress in the last year and a half too, that emotionally, I'm still recovering. 

I'm good at building walls to protect myself, and I've gotten better as the years have gone on.  But I'm not proud of this.  Don't get me wrong-I can become vulnerable in my relationships and I often wear my heart on my sleeve, both in friendships and relationships.  At the same time, that's gotten me hurt but that's who I am.  When I truly trust, it's wow. 

There is one person who knows me far above others, and you know you are.  I thank you for sticking with me through the good times and the bad times.  So many times you've been my rock and your friendship means everything to me.  How I love you!

Petting Zoos, Doc Walker, and Drew Hayden Taylor

So without even realizing it, my quest to do one new thing each month has taken on a life of its own.  I do it now without even realizing it, and I'm happy to be stepping outside of my "box".  You know, I always critisized my family for being happy within the box and never wanting to experience anything new.  I get the box-it's comfortable, it's safe, it doesn't shake the boat.  But that's also not me.  Tell  me not to shake the boat, and boy, I'll start shaking the hell out of it. But my box is cozy, but i'm not content to just be the same.  I like to grow and experience  things and take chances, even as scary as it is. 

I went to the brand new PCU centre for a concert with the girls.  I had a great time rocking out to Doc Walker and Shane Yellowbird.  I have to admit though, I got upset with Shane Yellowbird.  I was standing by the windows trying to get reception for my cell and out he walks. I asked him for a picture and he said sure, but you have to get in line with everybody else.  Ha...my revenge?  Not getting in line.  He ticked me off...lol.  I'd had my picture taken with him before, but there was no around, nobody had seen him but me, and the nice security guard said he'd take our picture.   I did get in line for Doc Walker as they are Portage boys...and one of them had taught me back in Junior High.  Great guys!

The same day, I had taken my goddaughters Kiana and Dakota, to a petting zoo at our local greenhouse.  It was okay.  Not great as they had brought everything in, but the girls loved it.  I just happened to get some awesome pics too!  We had a sleepover where we decorated eggs, watched The Princess and the Frog, decoated suncatchers, and just had a good time.  I love my girls.  I couldn't imagine life without them now. 

I also got to meet my favorite author this past week, Drew Hayden Taylor.  Oh my goodness, he is funny and easy on the eyes.  It was a pleasure to meet him and to get him to sign his new book, Motorcycles and Sweetgrass.  I've never met one of my favorite authors before, and this had a lot of meaning.  I don't know-I really connect with what he writes.  He makes sometimes understand things that I didn't understand before and I like that.  If you haven't read him, you have to.  He's absolutely funny and I promise, his books are worth buying!

Anyhow, there's more to write, but it's getting late and I need to get to bed.  Night People

So i'm starting to become technically savvy...I bought a blackberry!!  Can I say I'm in love?  This is new for me this cell phone craze.  I've had cell phones in teh past but not like this.  I'm actually planning on cutting my landline.  The blackberry does everything.  I've started using the calender as a day planner, I get to check the weather everyday from the weather network, check my facebook, and can still see who's trying to reach me.  I love it.  So this is another new experience for me.  I'm having to be taught and learn and it's a whole new experience.  There's so much to do, and right now I still only know a tiny bit!

I've started to get into the yard which is awesome therapy.  I've planted pots with dahlias and calla lilies and started cutting down all of last year's perennials.  This is my second year in this location so i'm hoping for more of a wow factor.  I'll insert pictures from last summer so you all can see.  It's a big yard and I plan on putting a huge garden in the corner where the two fences meet, shown in the second photo

Live the way we want to be remembered

My poor blog this month has been neglected...I'm coming down off of some stress and now that the snow is starting to go away and I can see big patches in my yard of grass, I'm getting happier.  Something about spring no matter how dirty it is, is pretty exciting.

So my thing this month, though not very exciting seems to be planting dahlia bulbs which i dug up last fall, cleaned, and stored each one through the winter.  I've never done that before, and so tonight, I planted them in pots to start indoors.  I planted 25 and I still had more left.  Part of me thinks they won't grow.  I don't have luck with things indoors.  I'm pretty bad at keeping plants alive indoors!  But it's an experience, and hopefully I'll get something!

I went to a memorial in the city yesterday...my best friend's sister in law.  I came out of it feeling very touched.  By what the family said, you know that the world was a better place with her in it.  I would have loved to have known her-I think I would have really liked her from everything I've heard.  The one thing that kept rolling around in my head though was that we need to live the way we want to be remembered.  Whether she knew it or not, her effect was profound-here she ended up touching me and I had never met-her.  That's a beautiful legacy.  So to you Carrie...if I've been touched, I can't imagine the legacy you've left in others.  You were a beautiful woman inside and out. 

February report

Hard to believe that it's going to be March tomorrow.  I sure am looking forward to spring and summer though-I want to wear shorts and be able to get out and garden! 

So unfortunally, I didn't make it to the Festival du Voyageur....long story....but it'll be on again next year.  So my thing for February would have been Haiti concert at the Pantages theatre and I also went snowshoeing.  So I did at least two things.  I have no clue what to do for March-I need to find out what's going on around the province I guess.
 
Spring break is in one week and I need it.  I just need a break and it'll be nice to be home with the dogs...

Sorry this isn't more exciting....

Weight Watchers (again)

So, I've done it.  I'm back at Weight Watchers...

This is my third time.  3rd time's a charm right?  Well, this time I have something truly motivating me which I don't think really motivated me before.  My health.  I want to be as healthy as I can-and I know that it involves me losing some weight.  It's not that I'm even unhappy with what I see in the mlirror-but I can do a lot better for me.  I've had blood pressure problems since I was maybe 18.  And I went up 10 points on the top recently.  I just figured out last night, that I had gained 20 pounds and not even realized it.  My clothes fit the same pretty much but it sure explains the jump.

I want to stick with this, and I want to achieve success.  I know that it's going to be hard and I'm going to have to change a few bad habits.  No more Little Caesar's.  No more bags of chips (and I mean a whole bag).  I'm going to monitor what I'm putting into my body and why.  I have to stop being lazy and get my ass in gear.  I need to be the best I can be.

Thinking of Valentine's Day

So tonight I had good friends over for Greek food-all homemade...the verdict...not a lot of talking but a whole bunch of eating.  It was a hit.  Everything turned out great, which I was grateful as a lot of the recipes I winged it, and kinda went off of my own for. 

Afterwards, we played Wii, and then watched The Time Traveller's Wife-wow.  I cried, well sobbed is more like it.  You know you have good friends when they don't make fun of you for crying so hard.  I kept thinking during the movie about the woman's role and the fact that she loved a man whose time wasn't his own.  Could I do that?  Would I be willing to?  I think I would.  I'd like to think if I found my one true love that I would do anything for that person, to stay with them through thick and thin, no matter what.  I think I am that kind of person, and more than a couple have said that to me. 

I guess I'm holding out for that one true love or maybe love's holding out on me until I meet him.  I've never been the type of girl to have to be with a man for the sake of having someone on your arm.  I want the real thing.  My friends that I've mentioned?  I think they do.  They are an amazing example of love bearing all.  They've been through the good and bad times and have had struggles galore.  They argue and they have trials but in the end, they stick by one another, support one another, and would do anything for each other.  To me that is a perfect love-it's not cookie cutter, but instead, something that is meant to last.  They are the best example I've ever seen and I hope one day I can have someone in my life who would be my everything, and vice versa.  I really hope it's out there for me.  I do.  Sometimes it's lonely, but everytime I get like that, I try to remind myself of what I need and what I deserve.  So, I'm holding out.  And while in the past I've said that I hated Valentine's Day, I'm not saying that this year.  I survived and it wasn't torture and it wasn't lonely.  It was just another day.