Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Really trying to make lemonaid...

So I truly am trying to make lemonaid from the lemons but it's almost like I have too many lemons...if you haven't figured out by now, I'm talking in metaphors.  Right now, well, I just really need a break. Everybody keeps telling me look at the bright side of things.  I'm trying, I really am but sometimes you just need to break down.  Sometimes you need to let it out and right now, I'm pretty weak right now.  People mean well, they do, but sometimes there's more comfort in silence than empty words.  Sometimes, all I want is for someone to say I'm sorry your having a rough time and not to fill the topic up with crap.  Sorry if I sound crude, but right now, I don't want fancy words.  I just want what I feel to be respected.  Some are doing that well.  Others are making me feel worse.  It's been a really shitty day. 

Sunday, May 16, 2010

It's been a while since I wrote...I've been doing okay, and okay is the honest word.  I've had a heck of a year and looking back, I'm proud of how I've handled myself.  You can't control what's not in your control and I kept that in mind for the whole school year. 

Right now though, I don't know where I'll be next year.  I can't say much because of union rules and such, but a lot of us were laid off for the end of June.  I've had a couple of interviews, so I'm waiting to hear if I have a job for the fall right now.  That's just one of the things that have been taking its toll on me. 

While I know i'm not alone, it's been a really hard, lonely year.  I've learned some friends really are not friends and I've seen friends stick with me through thick and thin.  I try to take each day at a time because right now that's all I can handle.  I have to be careful though because as I have bad days, I pull away from those closest to me, and I don't want to do that.

On a plus side, work has gotten a lot better, for reasons I cannot say but the difference is night and day.  I always loved my school and kids but there were other factors that tended to take all my energy.  I'm finding that my energy is being restored and I'm getting  a 2nd wind in teaching.  I no longer feel so burnt out, even though i'm now working harder than before (motivated to).

 There's been some really neat things too...made stepping stones with my students for mothers day.  The beading club is going great with huge numbers.  And my yard is finally coming together.  I'll fill you in more later!