Thursday, March 24, 2011

Bad Mood Day

You ever have those days where you just feel like a complete witch (not the word I mean to use, but I'm still a little too proper to spell it out here on the web)?  Well, that was me today.  I don't know how you react to things, but when I know I'm not in a great mood, the last thing I want to be is around people.  I can barely stand my own company let alone someone else's.  Am I that horrible of a person?  No, but I'm human and thus, I'm flawed.

Do I know what made me upset?  Yup.  What it something to be that upset about?  Probably not, but I couldn't shake my head around it.  When it stares you in the face for a whole day, it's kind of hard to shake.

On top of it all, I am my own worst enemy.  I'll think about things, analyze things until I go nuts.  I'm not feeling nuts anymore, but I also know that I haven't let go.  I'm not good at letting go.  I'm not a great person that way.  I hold grudges, even resentments.  That's a really bad side of me...something I know I need to continue to work the meantime, I'm gonna take my feelings to the bathtub...a nice soak might be just the start of turning things around.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

So the past many months, well, it's been a struggle.  I've felt like a wayward stranger-not knowing my place or where I fit in.  It's affected me on so many different levels but I appreciate this.  I've been forced to grow and broaden my horizons.  It's been a very long time since I could say I was happy.  Now, I might not be happy with everything, but I do have happiness with parts of my life-something I couldn't really even say before.

I still don't know my place-I know it's at school, but outside of work, I have no clue where my life is heading.  I'm preparing for another move the moment that I know it's safe to go (to have secure employment) and knowing there is one (housing is that scarce)...I have to be closer to work as the amount of travel I'm doing is absolutely ridiculous.  It has me tired beyond belief.

Inspiration is something I'm still fighting and I'm hoping in the next couple of months, that'll change.  As hard as it's been, I know it's been worth it.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

New Blog

Okay, I may be crazy and it's not like I have even tons of time for my other blogs, but I've opened up a new blog.  The only thing is though is that while it is my blog, it isn't.  It's my classroom's.  Blogs and wikis have been done in other classrooms to keep parents informed and interested.  My purpose is to do all that, but also have students directly involved in posting at times, adding a new "technology" to their database.

Some of it you might find boring as it does have its mundane things-like spelling words of the week.  But if you work with children at all, you might get to see some ideas that you like and could use with the children in your life.

To find this blog, head to  Note of caution though, it is not hooked up to my account that I use either for this blog or for my cheap chic blog.  It uses my work email to give me a little bit of privacy.  I won't be linking from here either, so if you're interested, just bookmark the page, or if you can't find it, email me, and I will send you the link!

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Rays of Hope

So the other day I heard BIG news...any teacher that is hired next year for my school gets permanent...PERMANENT!!  This is huge...I have been working for almost 9 years trying to get permanent but never getting it due to politics...Every single person in my school has to reapply for their job-including administration.  As the school was just acquired by the division, I think technically it's the legal thing to do.  I was told before by someone high up that I shouldn't have to worry about my job, so here's fingers crossed...I should know in a month.

So, while I'm not putting all my hopes into it, things seem to finally be getting better, though slowly.  I look back to where I was a couple years ago financially, and the difference now is unbelievable.  Yes, times are tough, but I have money for all the necessities.  I couldn't say that before.  I'm still living with my ghetto furniture (the single bed in the living room), but I'm okay with that.  I'm really hoping that I can get housing on the reserve (there are three teacher houses on the reserve-and I think one is coming available this summer), and then I'd probably get something.

Things have still been lonely, but I throw myself into my work, which can be healthy or unhealthy, depending on how you look at it.  I find that I never have enough time for my work though, and part of it is me living so far away.  I'm limited in the time I can spend in my actual classroom organizing and such.  That's frustrating.

But maybe, just maybe, wonderful things are right around the corner.