Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Ongoing Uncertainty

So in a matter of a week I had three interviews, two have been a no, and the other one I don't expect to hear from.  It's hard in times like these not to doubt yourself and your abilities-your purpose even.  Just today, I put four applications out, so we'll see.  It's so hard, trying to be positive when everything around you seems negative.  Thank goodness for my pugs-they make me laugh every day, otherwise I don't know if I'd have laughter.  I'm so drained and exhausted from this.  I'm waiting for the day when I can just go into Winnipeg and hang with my friends...that day will come soon hopefully...

So, if you can, think of me and say some prayers for me please...

Monday, November 15, 2010

Update...

So I had a couple of interviews, which both went great.  I'm scared to hope and to put too much into it.  I'm scared out of my mind...I don't know how I'm going to handle it if I don't get one of these jobs.  I need work, I need a paycheck and I've been struggling for a long while now.  The one I'm supposed to know by Friday, and of the two, this is the one I want the most.  I am terrified-if this isn't to be the plan, than I'm back at square one...I've been so discouraged lately and it's been a terribly lonely experience.  I've said this before that when you go through difficult times, you sure learn who your friends are.  There are a couple that keep me going, but I'm almost out of anything left to give...I hate that feeling...I just really need a door to open...

So, if you're the praying type, please say a prayer for me....thanks.

Easy for People To Say

I think too often we judge people.  I think it's one thing to have your beliefs but quite another to enforce your beliefs on someone else who you know doesn't feel the same.

I have always hated being told what to do.  I grew up in a home that in some ways was quite controlled-not a lot of movement for freedom of expression...I think I broke my family soon of that though (or at least their attempts).  If somebody tells me to do something, I usually want to do the opposite.  I don't think of this as rebellion as such, but more along the lines of survival (when I was younger). 

Teaching at risk youth over the years has taught me one major thing:  you need to pick your battles.  I think too often we get careless with our words and say things we know the other person doesn't want to hear.  Some things aren't worth expressing.

It's hard though that when you recognize this and then some of the people who are closest to you don't.  People may think they are being helpful sometimes but unless they've walked in your own shoes, they have no idea.  They cannot get the struggle and coming up with "bubble" statements clearly shows their inability to get it.  And those statements, they hurt.  I'm quite sensitive, and I can't help but be offended. I think we as people need to look at how we treat each other...we make blanket statements to each other, not thinking about the consequences.  Personally it pushes me away, not just from the statement, but from the person. 

The fact is that once someone has made a statement and the other person has said that's not for me, I think the person needs to be respectful and drop the matter completely (possibly for the rest of one's life), unless the other person brings it up. You have to ask yourself, are making my beliefs a part of my friend's (or family member's) life worth pushing them away?

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Some New Developments...

So finally, I may have some news...I have two job interviews this week...TWO!   One is for a teaching position and the other is for an Aboriginal Coordinator for a school division.  The one that interests me the most is the latter as I would get to work on creating better education for students that are native-provide strategies, apply for grants, work with various individuals, etc.  It has me really excited about its prospects-it's right in line there with my Masters.  It is in another area of Manitoba, which would require me to move, but I'm okay with that.  Seriously.  I just feel like there's been so much dragging me down that it would be really nice to go on a new path.  So we'll see.  The teaching one is tomorrow, and then Thursday is Remembrance Day, and then the coordinator position interview is on Friday.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed and praying that things start heading into a good direction.  I'm truly ready for a fresh start and ready to change up from being comfortable...