I am a giver. I give and give and give until I have nothing left. I've known that for a long time. I've also been trying to set boundaries in place to make sure that I'm being taken care of. So in the past, it was about making sure I had time for myself for the little things-like alone time. Alone time is important as it calms you down and allows you to reflect. Right now, I probably have too much alone time and again, it's balance. What is the right balance?
Because I'm a giver, I've been taken advantage of a lot in the past. This is something I've touched on before, but not to the same degree. In one day, I've said no to two big things. I said no to two different people asking to stay with me for the weekend. Truth is I did and do have plans, but I can't afford to house anybody right now and I've gotten nothing back from these people. There's more, but it's quite personal. I'm expecting another opportunity tomorrow to say no. I've been invited over for coffee tomorrow to a friend's house. It's a husband and wife. I get lots back from the husband in terms of conversation but the wife from time to time, has made comments on the side how she wished she were so rich. I'm not rich...You don't know how close I've come to have no home this summer. I've been putting up massive boundaries with them, and retreated more because I'm tired of one-way relationships.
Saying yes to me is hard because it comes with a bit of guilt in the heart, even though the head knows it's doing the right thing. Growing up, I wasn't taught to have confidence in just being me-there was a lot of emotional abuse. I've worked hard to build up my confidence but sometimes I still have trouble with those old skeletons. It's like they say, "you're not good enough". I've come to learn that I am good enough (good enough to be treated with respect by others). I am no door mat.