Saturday, August 15, 2009

Another Night

In the last couple of months, I've experienced a lot. My job where I was a home ec teacher ended in a community that I loved. Leaving there was hard-not only did I have to leave an amazing position, but I was very deeply connected to my students and friends that I made there. I've done prety well with handling it, but right now I just can't help but feel the sadness in me. I promised myself that when I left, I would carry the strength of the people there with me and I have. But sometimes I can't help but reflect on what I've lost.

I made such good friends, and while I'm in touch with a lot of them through facebook and such, it's hard not seeing them on a daily basis, let alone at all. I miss these people so much-I guess on top of the sadness there is lonliness too. I mean they became a huge part of me. They helped to shape me into a more complete person, in my opinion. How I've grown in the last year due to my time at Sandy Bay. I've never been more sure of myself nor so confident. I've never felt like I fit in anywhere until there. My saying this is actually funny because my skin is as white as it comes and Sandy Bay is for those of you who may not be familiar with it, is a reserve.

As much as I want to be honest, I haven't even been able to write in my own journal about how I feel. Writing it makes everything more real. I'm not lying when I say that I've handled things pretty well because I have. But I have little moments, like right now, where things hit me. I realize that things have changed and that I must go on, which I get. But sometimes you just want to just go back in time and freeze a moment and hang on to it because it brought you so much joy and laughter. I still have the joy, but oh, I miss the laughter. I really miss the laughter.

Yes I get to go back and visit, and I will quite soon. But things have changed, people are gone, but this time, it'll just be me. No one beside me to share the trip.

They say that people come into our lives for great reasons, and maybe when they leave our lives it's because the lesson that they had to teach us is over. To one particular person, and I hope you know who you are, I have this to say to you: Thank you. Thank you for putting me first and for thinking of my needs. Thank you for caring for me so much that you chose to walk away. Thank you for allowing me to trust and open myself up. Thank you for being you and for letting me be me. You have been one of the greatest friends, one of the greatest blessings that came into my life. I'm happy for what our friendship was. Whether or not we can continue as friends (and that is yet for you to decide), I will always be there for you if you need a friend.

And to the rest of my friends, thank you. I mean it when I say that I will take the strength that you all poured on me and carry it in my heart.

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