Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Secrets and Lies

Lately a few secrets have been coming out...nothing too bad, but things that I didn't share as I didn't really think were worth sharing, for various reasons.  Surprisingly enough, it's a relief.  I feel like I have more support, and I'm doing okay with all.  However, just because I might have revealed it to my family, doesn't mean that I'm ready to reveal it to the world!

It's been a rough time lately in all ways.  You know how you can get suckerpunched all at once by a host of things?  Well, that's kind of what it's been like.  I'm doing okay, but I'm absolutely exhausted!  Sometimes, I hate being a grown up...but then i also don't know if i'd want the pressures of being a kid again!

I'm pretty good at putting on the false front-those are the lies...they're as much for me though, as they are for other people.  Sometimes, I just can't deal with reactions from other people (such as the current job situation).  I pretend that I'm okay to those around me that I really don't have a lot of interaction with, but those who know me well, know how much it's killing me.  I had an interview, and apparently, my references were phoned the other day, so that's good...there's still promise and hope.  I haven't necesarily lost hope in the future, it's more that i'm not trusting the present.  I think it's all starting to show though-the facade is cracking.  I can't take certain people's bs without me getting a little bitchy, which really isn't me. 

On top of it all, I need to figure out things with my car.  I was supposed to go to an awesome concert in thOne bay, but due to being scared of bad roads and massive thunderstorms, I pulled out.  My car is on its last wings and it's gonna blow soon.  One more stress that I hope will see itself through...

I have so much to be grateful though, I really do and I know I need to concentrate on that.  There's so much out there to be thankful for-my dogs, my closest friends, my mom , and stepdad and nanas, my yard, my home, my health (which is hanging in there!), and even the fact that i'm still finding jobs to apply for.  That's good.  See?  I have a lot going for me...I just need to remind myself in the low moments how blessed I am. 

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