I'm Not Dead

So I'm not dead despite what you might think, and neither is this blog...I just have no phone or internet still.  School starts back this week, so I came in for a day of organization, hence, I am able to post....yippee!  Hopefully, phone (and maybe intenet) will be up working tomorrow when the technician shows up....yup, the phone situation is that bad...

So I've been here for almost a month-and I'm doing okay.  It's been hard in the sense that I feel cut off from many, but I do see this all leading towards something better.  There are definite advantages living away from a working civilization-you get lots of quiet, it's peaceful, you spend a lot less, and when you have to make a trip to the city, you enjoy your shopping excursion more as your thankful for the things you can buy.

It is extremely beautiful where  I live and that has been a huge blessing...I wake up every day and see beauty in the hills and valleys.  It's breathtaking.  Already, I have seen a wolf, lynx, moose, deer, and a jack rabbit.  I had never seen a wolf or lynx before, so that has been unbelievable.  To see an animal in its natural habitat and not cooped up in a zoo is very humbling...puts into perspective why we need to care for the environment.

But it is different moving to a place where you don't know anyone or anything.  I didn't realize it before but I am definitely a huge comfort zone person (way more than I ever thought), and moving out of that has been disarming and liberating at the same time.  It's eye opening and challenging, but like I've said, I think it will be well worth it in the end.

Well, I need to get back to organizing the classroom....

No Phone + No Internet Makes Me Cranky...

Just because I live in the boonies doesn't mean I shouldn't still be able to talk to friends and family right?  Wrong...I'm waiting for a jack in my place and I'm going insane...it's hard enough to not be able to talk to friends and family much but seriously, if I want to talk to someone I have to drive to the top of the valley.  I swear people think there is a stalker outside their house or outside the high school where I park to get reception on the cell phone. 

Tomorrow is the last day of school followed by the next day being moving day...can you say good night's sleep?

Life Can Change in an Instant

So three weeks ago, I was driving down the main street in my town going to the grocery store and got a phone call on my cell.  I pulled over (as was the law), and proceeded to be offered a teaching position with a division in south western Manitoba.  It required me to be able to start it in less than a week (the same division I had the big interview with before-they admitted that they had planned on offering that job to me, but due to acquiring a reserve school, it was no longer available for the time.  I said yes, and planned on making the big move.  If I remember correctly, I found out on a Wednesday and had to start the following Monday.

In a matter of a couple of days I found a house to rent-the only house within a 2 hour radius of where I work.  My stuff is still back in Portage and will be moved after I get my first paycheck.

It's been two weeks in the classroom-I have a Grade 4 classroom with 16 students.  They are energetic, sweet, but haven't necessarily given me any honeymoon period.  They have had some things to adjust to, as have I.  My challenge has been not having any of my stuff-I have felt quite limited without my books and resources. 

Personally, it's all been quite challenging.  Picking up and moving across the province is not an easy task.  Coming to this area, well, I don't know a soul and I'm quite out of contact with family and friends as I've been having trouble getting in touch with them as there are no jacks in my house for phone/internet.  I'm working on it, but still...  If I be completely honest, it's been very lonely.  It's hard not being somewhere and having a friend.  I'm hoping that will come in time, but despite everything, I know in my heart this is right.  This is what God planned for me.

I still have to go back and forth to Portage at times to continue packing my things and clean up.  I have my old place until the end of the month.  I think I'll just be relieved when all of this is over and I can relax among my own things.  You don't realize how much your things attribute to home becoming home.  I love my art, and it represents such a large part of who I am, and I guess it does the same with my home.

The school that I work at is quite large for the area-about two classes per grade.  My challenge right now is not having any real "supplies" in my classroom-no overhead, no smart board, no student computers, no books...it'll come I'm sure in time, but it does provide challenges.  I've never shirked away from a challenge though!  I just have to make sure that I'm doing my part and reaching out to others-it's easy when you get overwhelmed to shirk away from people and relationships when you're trying to start things up.

So, yup, that's the story.  There will be more to come along with some of the ideas to come that I've been incorporating. 

 

Ongoing Uncertainty

So in a matter of a week I had three interviews, two have been a no, and the other one I don't expect to hear from.  It's hard in times like these not to doubt yourself and your abilities-your purpose even.  Just today, I put four applications out, so we'll see.  It's so hard, trying to be positive when everything around you seems negative.  Thank goodness for my pugs-they make me laugh every day, otherwise I don't know if I'd have laughter.  I'm so drained and exhausted from this.  I'm waiting for the day when I can just go into Winnipeg and hang with my friends...that day will come soon hopefully...

So, if you can, think of me and say some prayers for me please...

Update...

So I had a couple of interviews, which both went great.  I'm scared to hope and to put too much into it.  I'm scared out of my mind...I don't know how I'm going to handle it if I don't get one of these jobs.  I need work, I need a paycheck and I've been struggling for a long while now.  The one I'm supposed to know by Friday, and of the two, this is the one I want the most.  I am terrified-if this isn't to be the plan, than I'm back at square one...I've been so discouraged lately and it's been a terribly lonely experience.  I've said this before that when you go through difficult times, you sure learn who your friends are.  There are a couple that keep me going, but I'm almost out of anything left to give...I hate that feeling...I just really need a door to open...

So, if you're the praying type, please say a prayer for me....thanks.

Easy for People To Say

I think too often we judge people.  I think it's one thing to have your beliefs but quite another to enforce your beliefs on someone else who you know doesn't feel the same.

I have always hated being told what to do.  I grew up in a home that in some ways was quite controlled-not a lot of movement for freedom of expression...I think I broke my family soon of that though (or at least their attempts).  If somebody tells me to do something, I usually want to do the opposite.  I don't think of this as rebellion as such, but more along the lines of survival (when I was younger). 

Teaching at risk youth over the years has taught me one major thing:  you need to pick your battles.  I think too often we get careless with our words and say things we know the other person doesn't want to hear.  Some things aren't worth expressing.

It's hard though that when you recognize this and then some of the people who are closest to you don't.  People may think they are being helpful sometimes but unless they've walked in your own shoes, they have no idea.  They cannot get the struggle and coming up with "bubble" statements clearly shows their inability to get it.  And those statements, they hurt.  I'm quite sensitive, and I can't help but be offended. I think we as people need to look at how we treat each other...we make blanket statements to each other, not thinking about the consequences.  Personally it pushes me away, not just from the statement, but from the person. 

The fact is that once someone has made a statement and the other person has said that's not for me, I think the person needs to be respectful and drop the matter completely (possibly for the rest of one's life), unless the other person brings it up. You have to ask yourself, are making my beliefs a part of my friend's (or family member's) life worth pushing them away?

Some New Developments...

So finally, I may have some news...I have two job interviews this week...TWO!   One is for a teaching position and the other is for an Aboriginal Coordinator for a school division.  The one that interests me the most is the latter as I would get to work on creating better education for students that are native-provide strategies, apply for grants, work with various individuals, etc.  It has me really excited about its prospects-it's right in line there with my Masters.  It is in another area of Manitoba, which would require me to move, but I'm okay with that.  Seriously.  I just feel like there's been so much dragging me down that it would be really nice to go on a new path.  So we'll see.  The teaching one is tomorrow, and then Thursday is Remembrance Day, and then the coordinator position interview is on Friday.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed and praying that things start heading into a good direction.  I'm truly ready for a fresh start and ready to change up from being comfortable...